It's been quite a week. A busy week crowded with too many things to do. Actually make that a very busy month from mid november to now(which technically speaking is the 8th of December).
So.. I had this wedding in the family. My mom's real sister's eldest daughter got married in mid November and it was so much fun. Being one the closest of all relatives there was so much to do. Shopping for traditional Indian wear is not easy and for someone like me who cannot bear more than two hours of shopping.. It can be painfully exhausting. But all's worth it in the end when everything comes together just fine and you look better than you've looked in your entire life. So, I guess traditional Indian wear suits me well. Sigh. :)
So the wedding and all the functions happened one after the other, all in one week with hardly a day in between each function and getting home at six in the morning drained me out completely. But like I said before, it was worth it. Why? Because I was seeing an Indian wedding for the FIRST time in my life. :D
The crazy dancing with all the cousins(some we were meeting for the first time, and some we were already very close to) in 5 inch heels made my ankles hurt like a bitch for a day but I wouldn't complain.. because that was the best part.
And then finally, it was all over by the 17th(technically 18th morning). And then came my unit tests that I wasn't prepared for one bit. I must say they weren't all that bad but not the best either. Eleventh grade has really made me taste failure. I've never flunked a paper in my life and in my terms I remember flunking math by TWO marks. Like, seriously? Doesn't the woman have a heart? Two marks and she could have saved me so much trouble at SCHOOL and HOME! Oh well.
My units ended today. After 8 days of crazy studying I've finally found the time to rant about the past few weeks and there's no better place than HERE!
So much has been happening. So much I've been keeping track of, so much I've over-looked, so much I need to start doing. And the time's literally flying by. I need to start thinking about what I need to do in life. I'm absolutely lost. I'm confused between doing what I need to and want to and should do.
I've been fighting with a good friend of mine and it doesn't feel good. At all. Probably because we're having our first fights over the same issues...
I've been hearing things, I've been sorting things our with many people, and I've been trying to undo the damage that unnecessary gossip does. Because I've realized that there's not point in leaving things hanging in the middle of no where... because one day you'll find yourself looking for reasons you won't get anymore.
I've been thinking, do people really mean whatever they say? If they don't, why? Because it's just not fair. It's not fair when good people don't get the happy endings they deserve and when the bad ones have what you want so bad. Why do some people have a concience while others have the ability to kill theirs? Why do I feel like I care too much?
Recently, I sent an email to my best friend Sidak. I poured my heart and soul into. I didn't leave anything unsaid. And she sent me the most beautiful response in return. Sometimes, I wonder what I'd do without her. Some of the things she said made me feel better about the person I am... made me feel like a good person.. a good, strong, humane person. And to be honest, sometimes even though you've lost hope that someday things will get better, a best friend's email is all you need to make it better.. It's all you need to tell yourself that whether you want to give up or not, you need to keep going and there's no limit you can set for yourself. It's all you need to remind yourself that it's alright. Shit happens. And more is coming our way. But we just have to get through it. Because it's better than giving up and regretting not giving yourself a chance.
Here's a line I came up with when I was studying for economins.
"... solitary celebrations of memories that live in the mind of a soul brimming with the presence of friends, family and companionship... The irony."