I'd seen a liar in her, an arrogance that rooted itself in pride, a way with words that found their way around milestones of sorts while still grabbing what it was she was looking for. She liked to question, for she knew she'd have her answer. A spell, I would say, she cast upon others with the expression she held.. the intrigue it showcased.. as if it were meant to ruthlessly discomfort any living soul that couldn't satisfy her thirst for knowledge(whether good or bad)...A smile that made hearts ache in jealousy and obsessive longing-Yes, I would say she had it all. But, she was a liar. Her eyes never betrayed the tremendous ocean of emotions she was made of, the void depths of which kept people wanting to fill them with something...Anything... Anything to live in her memories forever.
"Pretense?" I was mad. I didn't know whether it wasn't evident in my tone.
"What do you mean?" I didn't mention what the even flow of her soft, calm voice did to me, did I? At times like these, it drove me out of my mind.
"Would you really like an explanation?" The bitterness was evident in my voice. I couldn't do anything to cover it up.
"Would you really like an answer?" She was doing it again. It drove me frustratingly crazy. The way she kept me hanging on to that glimmer of hope I tried to suffocate a long time ago.
"Do you have an answer? Do you WANT to answer? LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU GOD DAMN IT!" She tried to walk away. It didn't take much effort to pin her against the wall and force her to look me in the eyes, even if it was for just a second. "Let me go if you can't have me. Don't keep me hanging."
Something flashed across her face. No, it couldn't have been disappointment.. could it? It couldn't have been the urge to not hold back whatever it was that she wanted to say.. what I hoped she would say.
"Do you really care enough?" I knew she'd have an answer to that.
"No. I don't know. I-I don't want to."
"You don't have a reason, do you?
"None that you'll be happy with."
"I care, Malini. Can't you see that?
"So, DON'T. As soon as you care enough and let someone in, you'll end up being disappointed by one more person." I'd never heard a need in her voice..the need to justify herself.
"Is that your reason?"
"You can be an entire lifetime of disappointments. But you'll still be worth it."
"Don't trust me on that. Like always, trusting people is a mistake you make time and again, hoping you learned your lesson the last time. You never really learn, do you?"
"Cheers to another lesson learned today... or rather the same one again."
A tear slipped down her cheek. She tried to say something but with a quivering lower lip and choking tears, all she managed to verbalize was, " Don't..."
"There's no point in trying to stop me now. Because.. I know.. I know what I need to know. There's no point in trying to push someone out when you can't. Because you're always going to want to come back again."