Wednesday, September 1, 2010

And The Light Never Ceases To Find The Dark

I've been in this room for days now. Its dark. So dark that I don't see any point in opening my eyes, because there's nothing left to see, there's nothing that I CAN see. I've confined myself to a cold corner, where all I can do is rest against the wall and only hope and pray for someone to find me, someone to pick me up, because I seem to have lost everything to the darkness around me. I cannot cry because there's no one to hear me, there's no one to wipe the tears.. and I'm not strong enough to be my own reassurance. Something seems to have forced the doors of mind to close, and I don't know what's keeping them shut. I try and search within me, a power, a strength that I can summon, hoping that there is one. The strength that the greatest of people talk about and the weakest, don't know about.

And once again with my eyes closed, with a search left incomplete, I fall asleep to wake up hours later to the black light of the dark.

I wake up to a shiver that runs down my entire cold, rigid body. I can feel a wind blowing through a window in the room. I just don't know where it is. I hug myself as if it were all I needed, but it only grows colder. I open my eyes, slowly, blinking too often for the first few seconds. It takes a little while for my eyes to adjust. I look around the room, looking for a blanket or a rag for that matter- ANYTHING that could provide the tiniest bit of warmth. I see that a small sheet is lying on a chair few steps away. I crawl on my knees, and keeping myself a bit too far away, I reach for it, trying to drop it to the floor, so that I can just drag it to myself. As I wrap myself in the only blessing I can feel, I open the doors of my mind. I realize that I'm sick of being helpless. If there's something I've learnt in life, its that our mind can be forced to think what we want it to. And for the first time in days, I force myself to think. Despite the darkness, I CAN see. Not much, but I can. The curtain of the shattered window on the opposite wall was ghostly in the dim moonlight as it flew violently up and down the pane. I don't know when I fell asleep again, but it was for a longer time and I was more relaxed when I got up. 

I don't remember being in this room now. Why? Because it isn't dark anymore. I wince trying to run away from the light because it hurts my eyes. I try to scramble into any dark corner so that none of the light touches me. I don't think I'm in the same room, but the I can still see that chair and the broken window, that threw light into the entire room. 

It was then that it hit me. The room hadn't been dark forever. It hadn't been a curse. It was me. The problem was within me. I just refused to open my eyes and see that every morning light blasted into this room, throwing into it life. I realized then, that every morning that I had spent on the floor, closing my eyes to what I THOUGHT was around me, I had missed what I had hoped for. And once again, I realize that the darkness wasn't just in the room. It had seeped into the depth of my soul, leaving me bitter. I then realized why I was running away from the light. It was because I had made myself believe that I was born from the dark, that I was destined to be a part of it. How pathetic that made me feel now.

I stay still for a while. I let my body embrace the light. And as I get up to leave the room, these are the only thoughts that cross my mind.. 

As victory follows defeat,
And hatred love,
As smiles follow tears,
And memories, the present,
The Dark craves Light like,
A drought's thirst.

And the Light never ceases to find the Dark. 

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